Love It...Had to Share

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Don't Wake Me...I Enjoy this Dream

Vampires. I have always been a fan. I've read Anne Rice novels and watched The Lost Boys more times then you could even imagine. But lately, vampires have become a complete obsession. Its started innocently enough when I read Twilight so I could decide whether or not it would be appropriate for my daughter to pick up. Then I heard about True Blood and how the peeps behind my beloved Six Feet Under were responsible for it and I knew I must watch it. Now...well now vampires have completely taken over. Not only my mind, my thoughts, my dreams....but my daily life.

I have become convinced that "the Man" is a modern day vampire himself. Lets think about this one shall we. He has uncanny timing. I mean it. Take for instance Saturday. I hardly ever speak to him on Saturdays. Its rare people. Rare. But yet here it was 2pm and I instantly had a vision of him in my head and a warmth in my heart....and I said to myself "he is about to call" and sure enough as I reached down to check and make sure my phone was still on and working (us girls are fun aren't we?) it lit up and his picture brightened the screen and my day. I answered with a laugh and told him "there you go again with your crazy sixth sense!" and he said "im pretty good aren't i?
yes....yes you are

How about the fact that my day can be going to complete and utter shit. My world can be caving and crumbling before my eyes. I can be overwhelmed with a feeling like there is no hope....and the minute he looks into my eyes everything goes woooosh and I am instantly at peace. Instantly.

When I am around him there is nothing else to do but smile and laugh and enjoy the happiness. We are not in the honeymoon stages anymore....far far far from it...those days are many moons ago....and yet each twist and turn with him only makes things better. Makes the happiness that much stronger. I can't even explain it anymore...and don't give me the bullshit line about love hahaha....its more then that. Ive felt love before. Ive felt that "omg this person is perfect for me" thing as well....ive been down every road tripped over every emotion along the way....but this one, this one is different. He always has been....from day one.

he's a vampire....i swear hahahaha

No On H8

Its what we spent our morning doing...just got back and im exhausted...but the fight is one that is beyond worthy. I don't speak my mind too loud on political issues, especially not here on my blog...but this one has the fire inside burning so strong it is impossible not to mention it.

I Did the Unthinkable Today

I did something today I haven't done in months. I...gasp...ventured into the big bad store that has a blue and white color scheme and a smiley face all over telling you its roll back prices time. And what can I say about my adventure? I saved a shit load of money, thats what. I saved so much freaking money that I allowed myself to pick up the 3rd book in the Twilight series...which pleases me to no end because I finished the 2nd one yesterday and was already feeling very lost! Man I love me some vampire stories.

In other news, our washing machine is major on the fritz right now. The damn thing fills up with water---and then releases all the water all over the place...sweet! Repairman is supposedly coming out in an hour to fix it...im not holding my breath.

I have no idea what to do for dinner tonight. Do you know how hard it is to come up with dinner each and every night when I have a vegetarian preteen on my hands, along with a Mr whose schedule is so out of whack that I never know exactly when he will be home. Take last night for example...he told me at 4 that he would be home no later then 7. I got a call at 7:20 then telling me he was running late and would be home by 8. Um yeah, he was home at 9:20. Awesome. How does one juggle dinner when you have to cook 2 meals to begin with and then guess on what time everyone will even be able to eat? Its starting to become a frustrating subject in this house..and if it wasn't for my lovely crock pot (again, hellll yes!) I would throw my hands up and call it quits all together.

Anyhoot...thats that as far as my rambles today....Im off to pull the towels out of the dryer and wait for my knight in shining armor...aka the repairman hahaha

So Many Unanswered Thoughts

I constantly search for the answers. The answers that will bring me the solution. The solution to the problem. What is the problem? At times the problems are many...overwhelming. If I start to rattle off a list I don't even know where to begin. They are all different, apart they don't make any sense...together they complete the bigger picture. The bigger picture which is ultimately I am a failure. And no this has nothing to do with my attempt at blogging for 30 straight days in a row, although now that I am typing this the irony is not lost believe me.

Ive come upon two epiphanys lately which go together. A few months ago I was sitting around with some friends shooting the breeze so to speak. The topics became more and more personal as the hours dragged on and before I knew it I was sharing a story from my childhood...not something I really do much of these days. My friend cut me off with an excited exclamation. Excited I could tell because she was having an "aha" moment of understanding me. What she didn't realize however, was that her words would also bring me to an "aha" moment. She said to me "omg DG...no wonder you think you don't deserve love! Don't you see? Don't you see how the child in you still thinks you don't deserve to be happy and be loved?"

Truly...i know it may seem stupid that I never came to this conclusion before, but I hadn't. And the minute it was said to me I realized how right on she was.

The next epiphany moment came when I saw a postcard on postsecret Sunday. It said something to the effect that we only allow in the love we think we deserve. For F's sake people...so true.

And so here I sit...these past few days being very hard on me in terms of my relationships with the men in my life. On one side I am feeling very cared about and loved but in the wrong way....a situation I created in order to protect myself...the child in me setting up an impossibility that was supposed to remain just that and therefor I could have an excuse to tell myself when there was not a love powerful enough to make it real. The other side is a situation I keep falling into time and time again...throwin myself to the wolf if you will. Knowing I will gain no further knowledge or wisdom by doing so...knowing the love we have is not the kind that sustains the hardships of life and is everlasting. I threw myself in...again...

I allow the love i think i deserve.

so how do i convince myself i am worthy of taking the time to set myself straight...connect all the dots....and get out of this mess and into a happiness that lasts and is real each and every day?

how?

So I Failed...

So I failed...I already missed a day of blogging this month. Oh well, yesterday was hectic and crazy and zero downtime. It also had moments where I was on absolute cloud nine I tell you.

After spending 3 plus hours in the car with my bossman on a trip to show homes in another city that really should have taken an hour maybe hour and a half tops I can tell you one thing is for certain. Santa will be putting a new GPS unit under the Christmas tree for me this year. Period.

Today is a day going to be spent on putting together the new furniture we purchased (which I promise to get pictures of and post because omg is it lovely!) and laundry laundry laundry so all our clothes are clean and ready to be placed in said furniture.

Today will also be a day to continue reading New Moon...the follow up book to Twilight. I am loving this series and I can not wait for the movie to come out. I am praying they do not disappoint!

You Know Im Growing Up...

You know I am growing up...old...wiser...whatever, when I am sharing with you music that ten years ago I would have punched myself in the face for listening too. But this guy, well, I should just let his music do the talking. I first heard him while sitting in my freezing ass cold car waiting for my kiddo to get out of school so we could get back to our warm home in crazy Georgia. Once you hear it you should have no questions as to why I would hear him while living in Georgia hahaha. Somehow I just don't think he would get much radio play out here in Cali. In fact I have never heard him on the radio since i've been back. Which is a shame because there are days when I pop his playlist on the Ipod and oh my the warm feelings my soul gets. Its great. Now, this isn't my favorite song of his but its the one with the best video I could find on Youtube to share...and so I hope it inspires you enough to go search him out further. I suggest "Come Around" and "Lonely Night In Georgia"

Man what a pain...ok so I can't find any videos that are decent and allow me to embed..and its late and im tired...so please apease me and click the linky

Marc Broussard-HOME

On a somewhat related and yet unrelated note..what the hell is with kids these days? Why are they taking over our music and remaking it and calling it theirs? Crazy crazy kids...I can't tell you how many times i've heard a familiar tune coming from my kids room only to find its not really the tune i think it is but rather a remake and some emo child in skinny jeans behind the mic...
here....here is a perfect example...

Been Cooped Up All Day

My house is being overrun with a crazy cute toddler these days....and her mess


About the only thing that is clean and safe from the toddlers grasp are my counter tops...and I am so proud of how clean they are hahahaha



I can't believe how easy it is to forget how much energy keeping a toddler happy takes! My daughter is eleven years old now and although there are days when I feel like it was only yesterday that she was singing to me in her undies her cute little "im a mean ol witch with a hat..and i ride on my broom with my cat" song, I now realize it was a long long time ago. Another lifetime almost. I have been through so many things since she was a toddler...so many changes. I am almost a completely different person then the mommy she had in those years. And I feel sad inside because I didn't document them as much as I should have. I didn't write down all the things I should have because I thought there was no way I would forget just how cute she was. And in a lot of ways I haven't forgotten....but when she pulls out her preteen angst attitude at me these days its certainly harder to remember the child she once was as well. I guess we've both done a lot of growing up and a lot of changing...I just hope im better at recording things from this day on so when she leaves the nest I will have something to comfort me hahaha